Avoid You In Essay

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The #1 Writing No-No is to never use 1st or 2nd person.

Why? In academic writing, it’s important to avoid personal bias.  Using “I” or “we” makes the essay about you and your experiences, instead of research and concrete details.

Before I give examples, let’s review the 1st person. 1st person uses I or We, as in “I am upset” and “We ran away.” Also stay away from using me, us, my, mine or ours.

Let’s also take a quick look at 2nd person. Second person uses you and your. When you use 2nd person point of view, you are directly addressing the reader, kind of like I am doing right now.  While this is okay when writing a personal letter, it is not okay in formal writing, especially essays or research papers.  Avoid using this pronoun at all costs because you never want to communicate directly with the reader.

Students often ask, “How can I use a hypothetical question as a hook to begin my essay if I can’t even use YOU?”  My answer is simple: you never want to use a hypothetical question in an essay either. An academic…aka YOU, who uses 2nd person, has not only written too informally, but he or she has also missed the target audience.  YOU indicates that you’re writing for the teacher only, but in an analysis or even just a book report, the student is writing for a broad audience.

My basic rule is this: First is the Worst...Second’s not the Best...Third is the Way You Can Pass the Test.

Let’s apply this rule to a few examples:

  • Instead of “I cannot believe how much tuition has increased,” try, “Tuition has drastically increased.”
  • Instead of “Don’t text while you drive,” try, “Don’t text and drive.”

Students are so used to using I, my, we, you and your, that they have a hard time weeding them out of their papers.  So, here is my tip of the day: Every writing program, like Microsoft Word, has a search function. Do a simple word search for each of the ones listed here [show visual of word list].  Once you see them, shift your point of view.

Thanks for listening, and good luck with your writing! Stay tuned for my next Writing No-No.

Brought to you by WriteCheck, plagiarism checker software. www.writecheck.com


When to use "I" and "one"

Let’s say you are at the top of your class and applying to an Ivy League school. You feel confident because you got 2200 on your SATs, are class president, run cross-country, and are in five clubs. All your life, “failure has never been in your vocabulary because you have succeeded at everything.

Guess what? I have bad news. Of the 30,000 applicants to that dream school, most have the same qualifications. Others have a quality you don’t. One may be a stellar quarterback, another has wealthy forebears whose names are on campus buildings, some are geniuses from the swamps of Mississippi, and others have already performed with the New York Philharmonic. Your accomplishment? You broke the school record for the mile. And the kids in your school are slow.

Don’t panic. Help is on the way. You can rise above the other applicants, be an individual that the admissions folks actually like.

Start by imagining how they feel. You hate to write one five-paragraph essay. How would you like to read 30,000? Most of them are so boring, you would need to sew your eyelids open. Why? These essays reflect all that success: When I became a leader through my role in the Spanish club. What football means to me. How marching band has enhanced my character. In other words, same experiences, same essays.

Have I just described your essay? Don’t despair. You can set yourself apart. And you can write well without being Hemingway or Fitzgerald.

Just do as I say.

First, figure out what makes you different. Do you secretly collect antique coins? Do you have a special skill, like assembling Ikea furniture correctly the first time? If you traveled for Habitat, great. But don’t tell them what it meant to you. Describe someone you met, or how to apply roof shingles. (Just think how many people are glued to “This Old House.” Everyone loves the process of building.)

Another topic is your relatives, a perfect choice, assuming your twin is not applying to the same school. But don’t describe your grandfather’s death and how much you cried. Nobody wants to hear that. What they would enjoy is his experience in Vietnam. Perhaps he established a huge restaurant empire starting with a food truck. At the end, just tell them he died, and skip your tears. Make them cry that he is gone.

Or write about crazy relatives — not your parents; you don’t want the university to worry about heredity. Talk about your mean, cheap, scary great-aunt whose inheritance holds the family hostage. Describe her, even how she smells like ancient Chanel No. 5.

If you want to use a family tradition, skip Christmas. It has been done a million times. Instead, write about the classic family fight when everybody stormed out because the potatoes weren’t cooked correctly, just like last year, when the turkey was raw.

In other words, move the reader in some way, either to a smile or a sigh. Remember, she usually is bored stiff.

Your objections? But this won’t display who I am, you whine. Right. They really want to hear another essay bragging about accomplishments.

No, now they know how well you write and how interesting you are. I mean, did you ever beg for a five-paragraph essay? But I bet you love to hear a good story.

How to make something worth reading? A few rules:

Make sure the opening paragraph pulls you in. Are your descriptions visual? Do you include the five senses? Do you use strong nouns and verbs? Be wary of adjectives and adverbs. They slow the reader down. Do any great lines walk off the page? Does your final paragraph answer the question?

Make sure you read your essay aloud to a friend. You will hear your errors, and your friend will be thrilled to find them. Keep your parents out of the process. Like the engineer dad who salivates over “helping” you with calculus, your mom will rewrite your essay so it sounds just like her. And Admissions can’t tell, right? Sure.

Proofread. Don’t repeat words. It’s boring. Don’t hit the thesaurus button willy-nilly. If you are unsure of a word, read the sentence to Mom. But just one sentence.


If they want 500 words, don’t go over.

And never, ever describe a single tear falling down anyone’s face.

(Emily Farrell is a former English teacher at Strath Haven High in Wallingford, Pa., and a college essay coach. E-mail her at farrellec@yahoo.com.)

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